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"When you find the place where your heart belongs, you'll never leave."

Somedays I wonder what holds me here. What holds me in this madness, the circle of pain and heartbreak and tears. I don't deserve to be treated the way I am, and its not like me to act the way I do. Its not like me to lash out from jealousy, or to flip out on random people for no reason. Its not like me to act like I've been acting all summer. My insecurities are eating me alive, and I don't know how to change that. I don't know which way to turn with all of this. I can't just let it go and be happy, I know that the happyness only lasts for so long.

But when you look at the other side of things.. I know this is where I belong. I've tried to see other people, I've tried to meet new guys... I can't. I find myself comparing everyone I meet to Matt, and finding things I don't like in even the nicest person. It's funny the way life works out, its amazing to see where God wants you to be.

I hope that someday soon we can get on the same page. I know that we both want this, we just are so selfish and bullheaded that neither of us knows how to compromise. I know that I could loosen up a little bit, and he could budge too. If there weren't so many people involved in our relationship... things would go so much smoother. We both let other people get in our heads, and make us act different than what we really are. I wish we could just go back to when it was simple and we trusted each other..


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November 2009
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